Including Easy A and Scarface

SATURDAY OCTOBER 15

Sabrina Goes to Rome (Four, 6.30pm). And we’d be quite happy for her to stay there. (1998) 5

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (TV2, 7.30pm). The first of many sequels, bits of trilogies, quadrologies and films they just couldn’t let go of this week. No 2 in this series: Jack Sparrow and the gang step up the body count and those crazy pirate shenanigans. So hammy they could slice it up and serve it on French bread. Johnny Depp is ably assisted by Bill Nighy – having the most fun in his life – as weird octopus guy Davy Jones, and Tom Hollander is the short, mean Lord Cutler Beckett once again. The film is banned in China, apparently, where they were highly offended by the constant references to -cannibalism. (2006) 6

Easy A

Lethal Weapon 3 (TV2, 10.30pm). In which Riggs and Murtaugh join forces with a sexy policewoman (Rene Russo) to expose a bent cop “and his huge arms racket”, as the publicity has it. Things go awry when the cop can’t find enough huge people with no arms. Or something like that. Hurtles towards the sequels graveyard at top speed, with one good car chase being pretty much its only saving grace. (1993) 5

SUNDAY OCTOBER 16

Marmaduke (Sky Movies, Sky 020, 5.25pm). A dog. (2010) 4

Mission: Impossible III (TV2, 8.30pm). A noteworthy line-up of co-stars, including Philip Seymour Hoffman, Simon Pegg and Jonathan Rhys Meyers, joins Tom Cruise in this third M:I instalment, which concerns “a dangerous and sadistic arms dealer”. Perhaps he could get in touch with the bent cop’s huge arms racket from Lethal Weapon 3 (see Saturday). Silly, I know, but you can’t take this sort of frenetic fantasy too seriously. This is the best of the three to date, but that will count for naught if you can’t stand Cruise and his smug secret agent shtick. (2006) 7

Jaws 3 (Four, 8.30pm). By now, the franchise was as toothless as a geriatric gerbil and about as scary. David Brown and Richard D Zanuck, who produced the first two movies, originally pitched this as a spoof called National Lampoon’s Jaws 3, People 0, with a naked Bo Derek, shark-costumed aliens and author Peter Benchley being eaten in his pool by a great white. What they got wasn’t all that far from this: nominated for five Golden Raspberries: worst director, new star, picture, screenplay and supporting actor. (1983) 3

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Easy A (Sky Movies, Sky 020, 8.30pm). Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter gets a modern reworking in this teen comedy about Olive Penderghast, a nondescript girl with a stand-out name who decides to get herself noticed by pretending to be a slut. Oddly enough, this novel approach comes back to bite her – in a non-erotic way. A great comic performance by Emma Stone – who nearly killed her career before it had really begun with the dire Marmaduke (see Sunday). She has top billing for the first time, but fights for screen time with heavyweights Stanley Tucci, Patricia Clarkson, Lisa Kudrow and Thomas Haden Church, who all add to a better-than-average teencom experience. You wonder who else might have been included: everyone in the cast had to have an “a” in their name, so no chance for, let’s see, Vin Diesel, Bruce Willis, Judi Dench, Johnny Depp, Toni Collette, Jennifer Lopez … The second feature for Will Gluck, who also directed the much-hyped current release Friends with Benefits. (2010) 7

Poltergeist (TV2, 11.00pm). Classic frights. Perhaps this is where Sting got his Ghost in the Machine: dear little Carol Anne communicates with spirits through the TV but then they turn nasty and shut her in a closet … in another dimension. The first film produced by Steven Spielberg. (He pretty much directed it as well, but a clause in his contract said he couldn’t actually sit in the director’s chair while he was still working on ET, so Tobe Hooper got the credit.) This is weird: the spooky clown that tries to strangle eight-year-old Robbie was a bit overenthusiastic during filming. Poor Oliver Robins started turning purple, until Spielberg realised what was happening. In real life, Dominique Dunne, who played teenager Dana, was strangled by her boyfriend the same year Poltergeist was released. She is buried in the same cemetery as Heather O’Rourke (Carol Anne), who died from an obstruction in her small bowel six years later. (1982) 8

MONDAY OCTOBER 17

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (TV3, 8.30pm). Angelina Jolie reconciled with dad Jon Voight by starring in a Hollywood blockbuster with him. As you do. She was still doing weird things with blood and knives with then hubbie Billy Bob Thornton during this time and you can see the enormous and unwise tattoo on her arm in the trailer, although it was covered with makeup for the actual film. And … oh, the movie? It’s a nonsensical feature that stretches a video game into a one-and-a-half-hour movie about a busty relic hunter who does her own stunts. Anyway, then Angelina met Brad Pitt on the set of Mr & Mrs Smith and … (2001) 4

TUESDAY OCTOBER 18

Jackass: The Movie (Four, 8.30pm). The first of five in the canon, although Ryan Dunn jackassed his way to the Pearly Gates in June, so there ain’t gonna be any more quite like this. Strange, painful and often humiliating. And that’s just for the viewer. (2002) 5

FRIDAY OCTOBER 21

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (TV2, 7.30pm). The random Potter selector chooses No 5 in the series. Harry and his mates are having trouble with bureaucrats from the Ministry, in particular, senior official Dolores Umbridge (Imelda Staunton), who is the new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts. Much more entertaining than it sounds, with Brendan Gleeson, Geraldine Somerville, Emma Thompson, Robert Hardy, Robert Pattinson and big doleful dollops of Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort. (2007) 7

Scarface (Four, 8.30pm). Cuban immigrants, cocaine and the pursuit of the American dream at any cost. Al Pacino’s tour de force was shocking when it was released, but like the titular character, it’s looking a bit battered with time. What set us tutting with great indignation in the early 80s seems pretty tame today: the platinum edition DVD features 226 instances of f— and its -derivatives. That’s 1.32 f—s a minute! But Brian De Palma and Pacino still offer us a classic of its type. The final shootout is a marvel of editing and you can be sure the scenes featuring guys on cocaine are pretty accurate: Oliver Stone was apparently addicted to the stuff when he wrote the screenplay. (1983) 8